Hello Mr. Low Expectations

dump jackassI have to admit I’m kind of slow when it comes to how I feel about things in my personal life.  For someone who is incredibly observant and decisive in matters of politics or other people’s relationships, when it comes to my own life, it’s a difficult process for me.

It takes me forever it seems to fully process my feelings.  And like a crazy lady I typically do it aloud and then my cats think I’m crazy as well.

There’s this guy.  It always begins that way doesn’t it.  I’ve known him “virtually” for quite some time.  I met him in person only once when we had coffee.  He asked me to meet up with him because I was close by and so I did. Up until then we had only been Facebook friends.

When I met him, we had the coffee, and at which point he told me he was seeing someone.  My first thoughts when I left was “what the hell?”  Now men were calling me up and asking me to meet with them only to inform me they wouldn’t be dating me.  Um…k.  That was confusing.

So then recently I began getting texts from this same man.  He is incredibly attractive.  Very driven.  He’s an author and has a great career as something I won’t mention so as to not give it away.  I love it because he’s actually closer to my age than any man of late and still has a rockin’ body.  (Facebook pictures and yes I looked.  Us girls look. Why do men not know this?)

Lately he keeps asking me to do something.  Sit on a couch and make out.

Yep, that’s it.  The first time he said it I thought he was kidding. I didn’t even respond because I didn’t know what to think about it.  Then he said “I hope I didn’t offend you.”  I eventually replied,  “well a guy that’s honest in his intentions, that’s new.”

He then goes on to put it this way.  He said having a bottle of wine, watching a movie and making out on the couch sounds like a nice thing.  And my first reaction, was yeah, it does kind of sound nice.

But here’s the reason I always get chosen for Jury Duty.  I’m easily persuaded.  So this weekend I get a text from him and I asked how his weekend went.  He replied, “Honestly?”  Um, no please lie to me like all the other men.

He says, it would have been better if he had been making out with me on the couch.

Then I finally start thinking the whole thing through.  First of all, I’m not in high school.  I know what happens on the couch at my age and it rarely stops at the “making out” point.   And does anyone actually say making out anymore in the first place?

Secondly, yes, wine, couch sex and a movie sounds awesome, FOR SOMEONE THAT HAS BEEN DATING ME FOR QUITE SOME TIME!

It’s awesome when you get to that place in a relationship. I love it! Hells yeah, bring on the couch sex!  But by God you are cutting out quite a few steps there aren’t you.

It hit me even more this morning.  And again, why it takes me so long to process this stuff is beyond me.  But, I’m kind of worth all those middle steps.  I’m worth getting to know for more than what’s in my bra!  I’m worth spoiling. I’m worth being taken to dinner.  I’m worth flowers although, I don’t know one single man on the planet who still buys flowers.

I saw a guy at the grocery store recently put together a gorgeous bouquet of flowers.  He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, which I know doesn’t mean much in this day and age. But I walked right up to him and said “GO YOU!”

I’m sure I scared the crap out of him. With my luck, he was buying them for a funeral.  But in my head and my heart he was doing it for a woman he deemed worthy and he has decided he’s going to work like hell to get to the couch sex.  As a matter of fact I hope Mr. Flowers is having couch sex right now!

But as for Mr. Low Expectations, if I’ve done something to convey the idea that I think that little of myself, then my apologies to you sir.  Otherwise, “I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request.  Means, no!”

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