Less is more…in all things but Bruno Mars

Actress Freida Pinto
Actress Freida Pinto

If there’s ever been a concept that’s been difficult for me to understand it’s the whole “less is more” thing. Because I tend to think in terms of sushi, cheesecake, wine and Bruno Mars.  All of which I could never have enough.  However, so slowly I’ve learned it in other areas. I appreciate very small things these days.  And boy could you run with that. I’m talking in matters of moments. I find these beautiful little moments happening. It’s like the lesson of stopping and smelling the roses have finally sunk in.  It’s moments of laughter with my daughter and son.  It’s those small moments when you stop and admire the full moon rising and raise your glass in response.  It’s a moment with a friend or even a brief smiled shared with a complete stranger. I relish those moments.

One thing I wish I had understood in my twenties was the less is more thing when it pertains to the art of being a woman.  Today on my Facebook I posted a video of Bruno Mars’s latest video, Gorilla. Let me just take one moment to swoon. Thank you.  But in my daily reading over all things political somehow an article popped up over the star of his new video Freida Pinto and how she was receiving backlash for the role.  So I watched it.  I may have to take another swoon moment, less is never more with Bruno Mars. However, Pinto’s role was nothing short of incredibly sexy. She looked amazing and she oozed confidence and sensuality.   In the video she plays a stripper and Mars is the singer of the band.

But I think she pulled off something rarely seen these days, sexy without being garish or trashy.  So many celebrities and women tend to feel like they have to scream at the top of their lungs over what they deem to be sexy and what they believe will garner them attention. Take Miley Cyrus for example. She’s traveled down the road of show everything, shock everyone and get the attention she needs. The sad part of our society is, it works.  But what I loved about this video is Freida Pinto pulled off being incredibly sexy but wearing something that covers more than most bikinis.  It wasn’t what she was doing so much as it was her attitude.

Now that’s how you walk in a room.

Women don’t have to be naked swinging on a wrecking ball to attract someone’s attention. Less really is more. There’s something so sensual about simply leaning over close to someone, without even touching them and whisper something in their ear.  And men correct me if I’m wrong but even when it comes to dressing, is less not more when it comes to women?   I won’t hate you if you argue. I just think leaving a little to the imagination is intriguing.

One of our fabulous writers on Damn Straight Politics, Shane Boyd Kahnke started all this by commenting, Big difference between playing the role of a stripper and being naked on a wrecking ball for no apparent reason and twerking with a man who ought to have known better, oh and sticking your face in a woman’s behind…again, for no apparent reason. This video is sexy! What Miley did (and continues to do) is a cry for help.

Miley’s actions seems more like desperation.

Confidence and attitude make all the difference in the world in my opinion. And that’s not always easy to do. Especially if you’ve ever been hurt.

I read an article this weekend about Helen Fielding the author of Bridget Jones Diary who decided to experiment on a dating site.  She created two faux personas.  One was a very sweet woman wearing a sensible sweater who said she loved to cook and read.  The other she named “superluckybitch” and she said she had a sexy photo and “portrayed her as a real bitch.”  So who received the most replies?

Fielding revealed: ‘So I had SuperLuckyBitch who was glamorous but really horrible and it said on her profile, “You’d be lucky to get a date with me”, and the other woman was really nice and sweet.

‘Well, I bet you can guess who was the most popular. SuperLuckyBitch got all the replies.’  Her conclusion was that nice girls lose out.  Which, yes, seems to happen a lot. But I think it says something completely different than her findings. I think it shows that a woman who is confident and believes she is sexy and it comes from the inside out is attractive. I feel like too many women, myself included a gazillion and one times, seek others approval for that validation on a multitude of things.  They may like a dress and feel sexy in it and if their partner or husband doesn’t like it, they change.  That’s sort of how women are. But I say, you put on what you love and what makes you feel great and screw what everyone else things.   Mind you it’s taken me a LOT of years to get to that point. I feel like many of us are pleasers by nature but all we really need is to please ourselves and make ourselves feel good and that’s when men take note.

I don’t believe for a minute sexy is a size, or a hair color, or a status, or a bank account, or a car, or a coach purse, or a pair of Jimmy Choo…wait, yes a pair of Jimmy Choo is damn sexy so ignore that one. But all the rest nope. Doesn’t matter one ounce. It’s how you carry yourself and it’s what you believe.

One of my all-time favorite books someone gave me once is a book called Why Men Love Bitches.  At first it depressed me because of all the things I am, bitch was never one of them. I’m just a nice person. I can’t help it.  But the title is very tongue in cheek.  It’s not about really being a total bitch but just not a doormat.  It’s about independent thinking and not allowing others to define you.  It’s all about finding your own power. The author Sherry Argov writes,  “Truly powerful people don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage someone who doesn’t give it to them.”  And how true is that?

She defines a bitch this way.

“Bitch (noun): A woman who won’t bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else’s opinion – be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it’s just one person’s opinion; therefore, it’s of no real importance. She doesn’t try to live up to anyone else’s standards – only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.” 

You set your standards. You can be swinging on a wrecking ball screaming for attention or you can confidently walk in to a room illuminating sensuality and confidence.

I’d much rather be a Freida Pinto than a Miley Cyrus.

“He should accept me as I am!” says the woman who is too nice.
Accept you? Oh no, sister. Slap yourself. He should want you
madly. Acceptance has nothing to do with it. He accepts a
doormat. But he desires his dreamgirl.”  ~ Sherry Argov

Now that’s sexy.
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