Thoughts on True Love part Deux!
Welcome to the second of a 3-part series on finding true love. In case you missed it, you can catch the first post here, but basically, we established one basic truth, true love exists.
When I was in my early twenties, I attended a singles event, I know, GAWD, what was I thinking? It had piqued my curiosity, however, because the speaker told the attendees in advance that he would reveal the greatest book on “being single” ever penned and our lives would immediately be changed forever. That was back in the day when I fell for everything. So I went, desperate to find out the cure to my singleness and how to fix it. (Or so I thought needed fixing at the time.) As we shuffled in, I found my spot close to the front. The speaker had prepared slides of key portions of the book and being the blind bat that I am, I wanted a good spot.
As he began his presentation this is what popped up on the big overhead screen.
Here’s an exact example of the face I made when I saw this take the screen.
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Shel, but what?? If you are unfamiliar with the book, allow me fill you in. So, there’s this missing piece looking for someone to “roll” will. The pie piece is desperately searching for a circle missing a piece so together they can form one big ball and roll and roll. He goes through the whole gammit of encounters. But eventually the missing piece finds his counterpart and his piece fits perfectly. Together, they make a full circle so they begin rolling. Everything is great for awhile until one day the missing piece begins to grow. It no longer fits in his counterpart and they must part ways, as the incomplete circle says as he rolls away, “I’m lookin’ for my missin’ piece that won’t increase.”
So the missing piece is sad. Then one day someone comes along who looks completely different. His name was the Big ‘O’. (I bet you figured that out.) And the missing piece says to him maybe I’m your missing piece. The Big O says I’m not missing a piece. The missing piece laments, how am I going to roll with you? The Big O asks Have you ever tried to roll by yourself?
The missing piece points out his sharp corners and that it’s impossible for him to roll alone but the Big O asks, have you ever tried? Then says he must be on his way and rolls off.
So the missing piece sits there alone again. Then, then one day he slowly lifts up on one end and flop! Falls over. Then lifts again and flop. He begins doing it more and more and eventually, the corners wore off and the missing piece became a full circle. My favorite part is the end when you see him catching up to the Big O and they roll together.
When I left the event I realized it was true, I had just heard the greatest book on being single ever penned.
You see, you’re not a missing piece looking for true love. You are a complete circle fully capable of giving yourself all the love, adoration, validation, and any other -tion you can think of. And if you’re not a full circle, then it’s time you start wearing off those edges and become one.
You aren’t defective. You don’t have to get skinnier, prettier, richer, and any other -er you can think of for true love to come into your life. Oscar Wilde once said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”. And it’s true. Let me explain why.
You have to learn to love yourself first and make yourself happy and then choose to share that happiness with someone else. If you look to someone else to fulfill your needs and provide whatever it is that the hole in your soul aches for, you will doom it from the beginning. If we are constantly draining someone else’s batteries trying to make ourselves feel better, the strain on the relationship will be too much to bear. Not to mention, it’s dysfunctional. You may be in that type of relationship, but it’s not a healthy one and not the one you deserve.
You have to be the right person more than you have to find the right person.
When I say that, I don’t mean you have to morph into something you’re not, I mean you have to take the time to figure out exactly who you are. And you need to learn how truly precious and valuable you are. Because once you do that? You won’t put up with any shitty person. It only leads you to another “Big O”.
You also have to learn how to be alone. Which kind of sucks but then it doesn’t. It empowers you. You learn to fill your life with all the things and people that make you happy. And then if you decide you want that true love in your life, which I am a big believer that God wants us to have the desires of our heart because he loves us that much. Once we’ve learned He is our source and everything we need is already here.
Then open your heart and when your true love has also reached a place of readiness, then…well…this….
As a special treat, thanks to the magic of the internet, here’s the slide version of Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece Meets the Big O in its entirety. And don’t forget to visit back for the conclusion of our 3-part series on finding the true love where we’ll address questions like, is there only one true love for you? And, once your true love comes in to your life, how do you keep it? As always, thanks for reading. ~ Betty