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Part One on Finding and Keeping True Love

“He distinctly said to blave” – A few thoughts on true love, part 1 of 3. (Because I just can’t squeeze it all into one post!)

Miracle Max: Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What’s so important? What you got here that’s worth living for? [presses on Westley’s chest to force the air back out]
Westley: Truuuuueee…. looooooovvveee…..
Inigo Montoya: True love! You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They’re so perky, I love that. But that’s not what he said! He distinctly said “to blave.” And, as we all know, “to blave” means “to bluff,” huh? So you’re probably playing cards, and he cheated—
Valerie:[popping out from another room] Liar! LIAR! LI-A-A-AR!
Miracle Max: Get back, witch!
Valerie: I’m not a witch, I’m your wife! But after what you just said, I’m not even sure I want to be that anymore!
Miracle Max: You never had it so good.
Valerie: “True love!” He said, “true love,” Max! My God—

At night, before I go to sleep, I read through a news app on my phone. I know. I know. They say don’t take your electronics to bed with you. Blue light, yadda, yadda, insomnia. But for some reason, it makes me sleepy and catches me up on the day’s events. Especially since I’ve decided I can’t stomach watching the news anymore which is something I once lived for and made a bit of a career out of it. Reading through the mindless droll makes me stop thinking about work and unplugs me from anything that calls for some sort of action on my part. (Except that the app desperately needs an editor because it is RIDDLED with ridiculous mistakes which I correct in my head and thus fall asleep feeling morally superior. You may have that same opportunity since I’m only good at editing other people’s work.)

The other night, however, I came across the most beautiful post about true love that has stood the test of time. As I swiped through the photos I began crying like the little bitch that I am because they were just so, dang, sweet!!! They were photos of elderly couples doing things from trying to ride a skateboard, to holding hands or hugging to my favorite, which was a man, who I think was about 236 years old, picking out a Valentine’s card. I’m assuming for his beloved. That made me tear up just now typing that!!! Again! I love it!

And I get it. We think, wow, aren’t they lucky. We view finding an amazing love as being the equivalent of winning the Powerball, that it will only happen to a very small fortunate few and the rest of us are just out of luck. With all the breakups splashed across every headline, with all the reports of cheaters, not to mention our own crummy histories, we begin to doubt. We are taught in society that there really isn’t a Mr. or Ms. Right, only a Mr. or Ms. Right Now. We size people up, write them off and quickly swipe left. We walk around cockily looking for someone who is going to “meet our needs” and if we can’t, we think we can “fix them” and make them do it anyway.

Mostly, society doesn’t want us to believe in true love. It’s easier not to. Because if we do, we learn that finding true love comes with a lot of responsibility.

I officially call bullshit on what our current society is sizing up true love to be. I’m also calling bullshit on believing it’s not for you. And I ESPECIALLY call bullshit on what we are taught fairly tale love is all about.

Betty is here to set the record straight. This is the first of a three-post series on finding true love because there’s so much to say about it and I’m convinced it could be a 12 book series, but I’ll settle for 3 posts…for now. We are going to start where the startin’s good and that’s with some basic beliefs. That’s where all change begins. It starts with how you think.

True Love Exists

I know, I know. “Inconceivable!” You’ve been looking forever. Or you’ve been hurt. Or you lost someone you cared about. Or the person you thought was your soulmate up and abandoned ship. I know immediate personal examples of all of the above. And I get it. I was alone forever. Even back when I was married, I was alone. I know the longings of the heart that grips you in the wee hours of the night and involuntarily forces the tears to melt your pillow.

People told me, true love will find you. I shunned their comments and gave them a million reasons as to why I thought the Universe had overlooked me. I could never recall a time when I didn’t physically ache for it. Later in life, I learned mostly that deep down, I never felt like I deserved it. Eventually, I stopped looking outside of myself and we’ll talk more about that later. But for now,  I just want you to walk away knowing this, that it is real and it is magical. And I know that if it is also a desire of your heart, it’s meant for you too. With every fiber of my being, I know it can manifest itself in your life regardless of your situation.

True love doesn’t always look the same for everyone. For some, it’s fireworks and passion. For others, it’s holding her hand and walking on the outside closest to the street because he is protecting her. Even more for some, it’s standing by their side as they fight cancer.

My grandparents are my favorite example. Everything good in me came from what I learned from them. They lived in a run-down farmhouse in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. I remember they had a huge bed with two well-indented slumps of the mattress on opposing sides of the bed. I always found it amusing to crawl into the bed with them at night and perch on the high center hump that never seemed to be crossed. And I learned that wasn’t an indication of their lack of love for one another. They would have at any moment given their lives for each other. I remember my grandfather cheekily pinching her bottom as she stood in the kitchen with her colorful apron on and her responding with giggles. They didn’t live an easy life. They lost a son when he was only 16. It led to my grandfather becoming an alcoholic which he worked feverishly to hide from us all. But they stood fast and they loved. Oh my, they loved.  He called out to her the night he passed away. He knew it was time and hers was the last face to grace his presence.

They were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I wanted it. Desperately. For my entire life, I wanted it. By my 40’s, however, I gave up. I knew it existed. I just didn’t think it would be for me. I let go. Isn’t that exactly how it always happens?

Lo and behold here he came and he was “everything I never knew I always wanted,” to steal even more lines from old sappy movies about love. Not to mention he was someone I had known but hadn’t seen for 28 years. All those years. But this is where trust and timing come into play. The person was right, the timing was not.

And it is magic. There’s not one single day that I’m not fully awash in gratitude. I’m literally overcome by it sometimes. He’ll catch me just staring at him. Which has got to be a creepy thing right? But I still just can’t believe it. I think that’s what makes it so sweet–it was such a difficult journey for us to finally come together, and for all the planets to line up, but then effortlessly, it did.

Is this something you want for your life? Then “as you wish.”

In the next post, I’ll share the lesson I finally learned that opened the door to true love entering my life and we’ll end with how true love isn’t for the faint of heart. But for now, I just want you to believe.

Deal? Just believe.

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