Thoughts on keeping the right champions in your life.
Do you have a champion in your life? You know, that type of person that has your back no matter what? A champion stands by even when you decide to morph into an emotional bundle of neurosis, they remain still. Those kinds of people. They see you at your worst, and kick your ass when you need it, but they love you anyway. They possess one quality that is difficult to find…
Regardless of what transpires, they have committed to you on some level to stick with you even when you are ridiculous. And I’m that way a LOT!
Some champions should come automatically into your life, like your parents. I’ve figured out I can be that in my life. Even if my kids decided to do the most stupid thing on the planet, I would back them up to death. I would leap in front of buses. I would unceasingly sing their praises. I will always believe they are the best, smartest, most talented, and most well-deserving people on the planet.
I didn’t have that. So when champions show up in my life, I’m always surprised by it. I’ll constantly test them to look for some crack in their exterior like there exists some evil underneath ready to take part in my undoing.
Here’s the difficult part. My problem is I become very loyal to those who are not loyal to me.
I dated a guy for a couple of years and had my heart absolutely crushed, then stomped on, then burned at the stake only to be buried alive. Yep, it was that hard. And he went away for a while. He fell in love. Then, karma you big beautiful bitch, he got his heart, crushed, stomped, burned, and buried. So he pops back into my life apologizing for all the pain he caused and explaining how much he has missed my friendship and wants me to be a part of his life. Right before adding how he knows for a fact, that he will absolutely never possibly ever love anyone ever again, but hey, I’ll do just fine to bide his time while living on this big rock of ours. Gee, what girl could refuse such an offer? (to be said with no vocal inflection followed by a severe eye roll.) Evidently, as it turns out, Prince Charming is a complete asshole.
A year ago I was his champion. I would have defended him to the ends of the earth with no questions asked.
So yesterday, I had a little thing happen. It wasn’t big. It was subtle and tiny. Really, really small. It shouldn’t have bothered me. But it did. It went past bothering, it hurt. Deeply. And for the life of me, I’ve been trying to figure out why. This morning my friend SK, nailed it. She absolutely nailed the big mysterious “why”.
She said, “I think we want to decide who our champions are but they actually come as a surprise.”
I want this person in my life to be my champion. He’s not. And all my willing and wishing in the entire Universe will not ever make him so. Once again, I’m attempting to assert power where I have none. But around all the emotion of yesterday, I had all these other champions appear in my life. The ones right in front of my nose that I can run crying to no matter what and they don’t chastise me or call me crazy, even when they should. They just support me. Period. They are #TeamMe.
What an unbelievable honor.
There are people who have your back and people who will happily stick a knife in it. Sometimes it’s really difficult for me to determine which is which. This week during a work trip I met a guy who on the very first day of working together we butted heads. Big time. This New York mob boss, or if he’s not he should be, and this stubborn farm girl from Texas started off toe to toe. Within one day we were wonderful friends. And his loyalty kicked in almost immediately. He did so much for me over the course of the past two weeks.
And after one huge thing he did for me in front of a complete crowd, afterward, he walks up and says, that was for you. I already knew it. I said to him. You are my champion and he replies, yes, I am.
Champions may come and go. Some are perceived as such but they aren’t really. The test of time shows which of those friends are truly our champions. But I really do hope that at some point in my life I’ll meet a man that doesn’t even think twice about having my back. Someone that would actually consider it an honor not just to have my back, but stand by my side.
I’ve been my own champion for so long now, I just think that would be nice to finish out my time here.
I’ll leave you with yet another Count of Monte Cristo scene. But it speaks volumes. And it’s exactly the type of people I wish for my life.